I just want to be happy

Three months into the lock down, I finally had the chance to go on a long drive. It was meant to be to drive my mum somewhere, but plans changed, and she came along on the drive.

Mum and I have always had our long important talks on these drives, today was no different. Today was about how far can you push somebody to love you or stand by you. She asked me if I had felt bad about breaking my engagement with someone, I knew for half my life. It did take me a couple seconds to even think about what I felt. When it did happen, I had no regrets whatsoever. Does that mean that I did not love him enough?

We had an easy-going relationship as we knew each other since school. When you spend every day of with the same person for years, you tend to know and understand everything about them. Things seemed to go the same way in our case as well until our families got involved, wherein there were additional expectations to fulfill. Anybody who reads this would say, ‘We all do.’

Why should I?

A common answer I’ve received over the years to this question is because I love him and losing him would make me miserable. Oddly enough, I grew up believing the same and stuck around for a couple years ignoring what I really felt. This is what happens when you are in an Indian family, everybody around you is doing the same and you not doing it would be odd behavior. As I went through the ordeal of the events post my engagement, I came to realize that meeting expectations seemed like a burden. It was almost a pre-requisite to marriage, like a verbal prenup.

A year of going through the events, I realized I loved myself too much and did not care about others as much to change myself and meet everybody’s expectations around me. I stepped back, made it clear, to the people around me and the response was not good. However, I was not going to feel guilty of wanting to be happy.

A lot of people may go through multiple instances in life where they need to choose between what they want versus what they are ‘supposed’ to want. Most people I know would choose the latter as it always appears to be an easy way out. There is no guarantee that choosing what makes you happy today would make you happy tomorrow, you could regret your choice. But if you are going to regret your choice, anyway, why not be happy about it for as long as you can before you let go!

I heard this in a movie, and it sums up the feeling we have when we’re at crossroads – ‘Making the right choice does not always make you happy.’

KINDNESS………..EXISTS?

The recent case of Baby Tara is known to all of us. A 2-yr old baby is beaten up black and blue and just left in a hospital. When enquired the girl who admitted the baby claims it to be hers. whereas the truth is different. The baby was passed on to many hands before she ended up in the 14-yr old girl who left her in the hospital. But as the case reveals itself we came to know that she herself was a victim of human trafficking which involved many other people. The hospital officials put in all their power just to keep the baby alive but, after 60 days of struggle the baby whose real name is Falak  gave in to a cardiac arrest.

There are many children out on the streets like this who are left to the grace of ‘God’ as they call it. What is their crime that they have to lead such lives? Girls at the age of 13 or 14 are forced into prostitution. They do not have any mistake of theirs in this yet they are not accepted in the society and called ‘impure’ or ‘filthy’. Children are just picked up from the streets and used for personal profits. In case of babies they are drugged and used by people who are complete strangers for begging or in case of slightly grown up kids they are sedated and forced to beg.

We need to question our conscience are we really human to even commit such crimes? How can somebody sell people as they are some commodity? We live in a society where everyday parents are worried if their teen-aged daughters come home safely. They pray to see them safe every evening. With the society being so dangerous how can we survive? But also society is made up of people like us itself. So we are supposed to become sensitive citizens to ensure that we do not eat out of our own kind. If we do then we would not be called humans. We are the most evolved species but our thoughts and mindset just got lost somewhere in the process of evolution that we still tend to think about  killing each other of our own kind and to step over them and rise to the top. It is really pathetic to see this kind of behaviour.

Chinni 🙂

A Daily Affair..!

This happened a few weeks ago. I was walking my dog and I happened to pass by my favorite ‘bhel puri’ stall. I was about to cross to get there and I see two policemen stopping by and pretending to start their bike. As they are ‘busy’ in trying to start their bike the bhel puri  vendor steps forward and hands cash to the policemen. Another watermelon vendor walks across the road to do the same. I move across to ask the ‘bhel puri vendor  about the incident and I am stopped in my tracks by my brother.  I tell him about the incident and he does not show any surprise. He says that this is a daily affair at many places. I ask him why so and he replies saying it is because they do not have licenses to their stalls. He also said that licenses take a long time and cost much more. Well, I do not think that it makes a good reason to collect money instead.

Why does this happen? Is it because they are not given any utilities or is it because they do not make use of it?

If there is a change from every single individual then we would not have to go on strikes or rallies to control corruption. We have to take the initiative and not blame the government or its agencies for corruption. For instance in the above example if the vendors had their licenses then they could have avoided bribing the policemen. Hence, if we agree to pay for their services illegally then it would encourage them to take the advantage and that is how it builds up. So it is time we take the initiative. though it may not be big but the smallest attempt to do something may produce a desirable result.

Chinni 🙂

Just wondering………..

I was travelling in a bus and this thought suddenly struck me. We have been going through a particular system of education for years (school, pu, bachelors and hopefully masters in my case). But few questions came to my mind today.

Why is our degree called bachelors and masters?

Why not spinsters and mistress?

A friend replied saying boys cannot take the heat we can. Well, jokes apart she said its a habit which dies hard. I do not think it is a habit which will ever die. It is that kind of a habit which has gone through a lot of discussions, a lot of wear and tear and still survived. What are we doing about it? I am not doing anything for sure.

You know its like one of those habits which makes a girl Mrs. with her husband’s name and which does not make him Mr. with his wife’s name. For instance if Reema married Rajesh (just fictitious names) then she would be known as Mrs. Rajesh but he would not be known as Mr. Reema would he?

It would look funny the other way around. I want to know why is that. When a girl gets married she is sent to the boy’s house but why is it that a boy does not come to a girl’s house. Just the other day one of my friends told me about a particular group where the boy is sent to the girl’s house after marriage. You tell this to people around nd you will find people calling it weird. Well what is so weird about it? Because its a custom which has been followed from a long time?

Girls are individuals too and have some amount of self-esteem. What if all girls spoke up saying they would not bow down to the customs?

Well, I was just thinking what if…………. you can too 😉

Chinni 🙂

I wish I knew………

I know this post might not matter to some people out there but I am sure there are also many people out there who have had certain instances. We step out to achieve many things in life. We have goals at every step of our life. Even when we are kids we see people around us and say that we will be one among them. As we grow up we realize the possibility of situations and decide sensibly.

I decided I would become something different too. I had my own plans for my life. But I did not appreciate it. All I did was have fun at the wrong time. I should have followed my dreams when I had the chance and all I did was to slight it and think that it would stay with me as I was the one who dreamt it and created it. But unfortunately it slipped out of my mind without me even realizing I was losing it. By the time I could come to terms with what was happening I had lost my dream, the one I had created, forever.

I did not have much to do. I had to get on and be satisfied with whatever came my way. What came my way was also something special and I decided to make something out of it. I had learnt my lesson that I had to be aware of what happened in my own life atleast and not be ignorant and blind in the eyes of joy and enjoyment.

So I feel everything that happens in life happens for a reason. You lose some things which are returned to you in a better way. But the regret of losing it stays on. So the best thing to do would be to stay awake and be aware of where we are heading and make sure its the right path.

So time to stay awake………

Chinni 🙂

Awakening!

I always lived in my own world. I was not bothered about what happened around me having an impact of it was far from happening. There were murders, deaths, rapes and various other atrocities happening around about which I was not even concerned. I always saw people as another creature surviving for the sake of it. Unaware of my role in the society I only bothered about my pleasure and my demands. Until one day……… ‘Today’

A report in the newspaper was of concern to us as a society and needed serious consideration. And we as a class made our voices to be heard. Mine being one voice among it was a matter of pride for me. The reality of one single voice making a difference slapped me in the face. I could feel myself doing something for somebody other than myself. I also took the initiative to talk out for a documentary which seemed almost impossible to me a few days back.

I found myself changing, becoming sensible to the happenings around me and also within myself. It was an awakening to me because I had totally given up on my abilities and never bothered to rediscover them. A small incident of distress had changed my life forever or so I thought. I needed a kick to wake up and react and realize that it was not the end of life to me. The good part is I woke up well almost. I have the time of my life to polish my instilled talent and prove to people I can do stuff and if not all people I would be happy if I proved to myself what i was capable of. I t would actually provide with more confidence.

Hope to keep it going with support of people around me.

To whosoever is out there helping me with my life, I owe loads to you guys man.

Love you….

Chinni 🙂

Try! Try! Try!

Try? What is trying?

The dictionary defines trying as the want to do something and hence you take measures or you act accordingly to finish that particular action.

You are out to do a task, you either do it or you do not. What phase does trying belong to? We use words such as “I’m trying” or “I’ll try my level best” very often in our lives but is there such a thing called trying?

An electric switch is either ‘on’ or ‘off’. You cannot stop it midway (until and unless you are totally jobless). In the context of biology, a neuron either fires or does not fire. There are no stages in between saying ‘about to fire’ or ‘fired and on the way’ etc.

For instance you are given a simple task of picking up a glass. Would you do it? You either pick up the glass or you don’t. Whatpart of the action is trying here? Can you show me that you are trying to pick up the glass or can you just try to pick up the glass and not pick it up?

On the whole, trying has not got anything to do with our actions. You either perform the action or you don’t. It all depends on our wants, desires or motives.

Its about time we get motivated. So buck up and act on your goals. you are either on this boat or that not midway. Decide sensibly, work hard and party harder.

Don’t TRY just DO IT.

Chinni 🙂

Origin!

What is mankind? Why do we exist?

A purpose? What purpose?

Apparently we exist because each person has a purpose in life. You realise the purpose at the end of your life ( doesn’t bother much at that time though). Then how do we know why we are born? Its an unanswered question.

We function in a two-dimensional world of time and space. But that is not all. It is believed that various dimensions exist which cannot be attained by all mortals. Science explains the creation of mankind as a result of a big-bang theory. Well then what caused the big-bang theory? Why did it have to result in the Earth and nothing else. How did it result in mankind? We have answers to few of these questions and few we don’t. But are we making an attempt to find out the answers to them? I don’t think so.

Sometimes spirituality plays a role. What is spirituality. An abstract term to which you may never find an answer in a two-dimensional world like ours. We are satisfied with the pleasures in the world we live. But there are some ‘unsatisfied souls’ which tend to uncover the other dimensions. Its not in everybody’s abilities to attain a state of spirituality but we don’t attempt to do we?

Some things are better unexplained and kept a surprise in which life is one.

Chinni 🙂